One autumn Thursday when I was in college (back when the earth was still cooling and pangaea was one) I got into a heated but friendly debate with a buddy of mine about religion. The details weren’t important… just the same old metaphysical argument every undergraduate has with every other undergraduate. And like all those who came before us in this epic battle, we too decided that adding a little ethanol would only enhance our debate and enrich our appreciation of it.
There was nothing unusual about that… just another Thursday in a college town, except that I had originally planned to spend the evening with a girl I was dating. My friend was leaving town in an hour or so anyway so I didn’t want to cancel. Instead I decided to give her a call her and let her know that I’d probably be just a little late.
She offered to come meet me in the bar but I was engaged in the discussion and wasn’t ready to make her the center of attention just yet, so I told her that I’d prefer to meet her later. But she was surprisingly insistent. She almost ‘demanded’ to come down and meet us. This seemed a little odd to me. I explained that we wouldn't be long and by the time she got here we would probably already be on our way.
It made no sense to me for her to come all the way across town, only to turn around again when she got here. But she was still most insistent. In my mind she was being silly, so without getting upset I gently explained that to her and let her know that I wasn't negotiating the issue. But I still had to all but hang up the phone on her to get things to end my way.
When I got to her place just a little while later, still smiling from my verbal victory over my buddy, I walked blindly into a tempest. She instantly demanded to know who the girl was that I was with. I handled her question with my typically brilliant verbal panache.
“Huh?!” I said.
“WHO WAS SHE!!!!” screamed my girlfriend. “I know that’s why you didn’t want me to come down and meet you!”
“I didn’t want you to …I was with …. Huh?!” I brilliantly parried.
It went on like that for some time; her accusing and me utterly dumfounded. I explained who I was with and what we were doing. I even named a few acquaintances who were in the bar at the time and could be used to check my story. They were all casual acquaintances rather than close friends so they would be unlikely to lie for me, but she was unpersuaded.
Eventually it came out that when I was working the prior weekend, she had been with someone else she met through a girlfriend who didn’t like me much and was trying to sabotage the relationship. It worked. But she was so torn up about her own guilt that she was imagining all sorts of malfeasance on my part to justify it. It was classic projection. I’d never seen anyone step right out of a psychology textbook like that before and it was a true revelation for me.
That event has stayed with me all my life and I learned a couple of important things from it. Number one was that when it comes to sins I’m not personally guilty of; I’m often totally clueless about them in others. As an example I don’t feel envy so I don’t really understand how it can be such a strong motivator for others. Or another, I don't lust for power so I can't understand people who do. I never anticipate it and usually don’t even notice it until it’s already blatantly obvious to everyone else.
And the other thing that has always stayed with me about that day was that when someone accuses you of something that seems outlandish to you, it tells you something important about them as well. It tells you what they think is possible and reasonable. It tells you what they themselves have at least considered… and more than likely have probably done. It gives you a gauge by which to assess their actions, and exposes their hidden motivations.
That’s the moment I think of when I hear Nancy Pelosi go on about how these town hall and tea-party protests are all ‘astro-turf’ (an artificial grass-roots movement) or when I hear about Robert Gibbs saying that none of the anger of the protesters are real or legitimate. When I hear Barbara Boxer say that these people are ‘too well dressed’ to be legitimate or read about the Whitehouse drafting private citizens McCarthy style to “name names” and to connect these spontaneous protests with lobbying groups.
We think they are all kool-aid drinkers... but really the issue is that they think we're all just like them.
All this tells you what happens behind the scenes when it’s the Democrats on the other side. It gives you a hint of what they think motivates people, and what they’re doing when the cameras are pointed away. It’s like all the complaint about the ‘right wing media’. It’s just transference. They know what they’re guilty of and they assume the political right is guilty of the same thing.
This may all seem old hat to those inside the political machines, and maybe the right is just as guilty as the left… I don’t know. Remember point one… I’m not personally guilty of it so I don’t notice it in others. But whatever else may be true about these protests, that the Democrats are guilty of all the sins they are accusing the right of, seems obvious to me now.
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