Thursday, August 9, 2012

- Mitt Romney: A Pure Font Of Evil

In the summer of 1993, Mitt Romney ran down and killed a black homeless man with the family station wagon during one of his meticulously covered up drinking binges. Later that year, he was alleged to be implicated in a Boston area white slavery ring. He was reported to have purchased a 13 year old Philippine boy at auction, but after getting cold feet about his latent homosexuality, he traded the boy to a Turkish arms dealer for 2 pounds of black tar heroin, which he later sold in Boston area schools and housing projects.

He paid no taxes on the profits.

His firm, Bain Capital, now famous for the way it has carpet bombed the American industrial sector leaving the dead and dying in its wake, was well known to have conspired with elements of the racist expat Rhodesian army, to destabilize west Africa in an effort to gain exclusive access to the diamond mining region. (There is reportedly a photo of Romney standing, machete in hand, astride a pile of severed limbs that were hacked from the peasants who resisted.) The "Romney Blood Diamonds" that came from this effort have been sold world wide to Arab sheiks, north Korean Army officers, and south American businessmen with dubious ties to the German Nazi regime.

He is also alleged to have worked with many of the bandit groups of central Africa which specialized in stealing and reselling the inoculations and other drugs destined for children of refugee camps. And his firm's testing of a new kind of low frequency sonar device used for "in ocean" slaughtering of whales has been attributed to have caused the 2004 Tsunami in the Indian ocean which killed thousands in Thailand and Indonesia.

I defy team Romney to prove any of these assertions are untrue.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I don't actually believe any of the above. I made it all up from whole cloth in an attempt to do my best to sound like a Democrat electoral strategist. I'm publishing it here as parody, but as our local legal eagle has told me, political speech is 'protected'. So with any luck I won't be going to jail for this slander any more than the people who accused Romney of felony tax evasion, or murder will be. At least I'll be voting for the guy, so maybe he'll let me slide.

The point of all this is that to an observer like me, team Obama seems prepared to tell any lie about Romney it can dream up, no matter how obviously contrived or ridiculous, if it will win them even a single vote. They already sound a quite shrill - even for Democrats - and as the truth has been coming out about some of their more outlandish statements, it's costing them what's left of their credibility.

But since sticking to the issues or Obama's record is certain electoral death for them, in the spirit of amity, I thought I'd give them some new fodder. After all, what's a few more outlandish lies to them if it means getting votes?

1 comment:

Chess said...

Tom you left out the mma cage match between Mitt and sister Theresa.It was brutal.. She passed away shortly thereafter.

My father was a strange duck but he used the word "sad" as a four letter word. Mitt just needs to look at the cameras and say BHO is a sad man.Pathetic..Then add Harry reid. Mitt just say Dennis Miller summed up your thoughts.Dennis may play well with the 19-34 yo's.