Dear Kim Jong-Un,
I think it would be tough for you to find an American who is more critical of our current leaders than me. I have frequently referred to President Obama as "our first female President". By this I didn't mean to imply that he was a homosexual, he obviously is not. But I did mean it to imply that he isn't very masculine, and that he would probably be submissive to any real leader if he ever actually met one.
I believe that his passiveness and cowardice in the face of real leadership is exceeded only by his political opposition. The Republican leader of the house bursts into tears every time the wind changes direction and has been continuously bullied and battered by Obama and his generally effeminate team since the latter's election as President.
But even though our leaders are all little more than weak kneed women who would probably surrender to threats from the French, and have no more strength of will than your average 13 year old girl, I'm quite sure they would all be unable to suppress their desire to laugh directly in your face at your obviously hollow nuclear threats.
I don't speak for anyone in America but me. I'm the leader of no organization, and represent no meaningful group of people. But I am typical of a particular demographic of Americans for which this country used to be known.
And speaking as a self appointed spokesman for that component of Americans, I'd like to say that I welcome your effort at a pre-emptive nuclear strike. Fire away. Give it your best shot. I await the warm glow of your nuclear fallout. In truth, our anti-missile shield would probably prevent it actually striking US soil. but I don't think you should allow that you hold you back. You never know... you might get lucky.
In truth, the only thing that would probably come of your effort is that it would finally give us an excuse to eliminate your pointlessly cruel and oppressive regime. Not even the Chinese would balk if we retaliated against you for a pre-emptive nuclear strike, and the Chinese are the only thing that's saving you at the moment anyway.
While your cousins to the south have entered the 21st century as economic leaders, and your people have risen to leadership in every industry and market on the planet, you've kept your half of the country (the half with most of the natural resources coincidentally) stuck firmly in the 1950's for no reason but to indulge your personal vanity. You, your father, and your shared ancestors who have choked the northern half of the Korean people for generations, are among the worst human beings to ever have lived. And you will be remembered by history as some of the planet's cruelest, most pointless tyrants.
So I say... fire away. You can target me personally if you like. I'm just 19 miles south-southwest of our largest city. Come and get me you ridiculous little insecure clown.