Monday, July 18, 2016

- Over Nurtured In America

It’s a funny thing, owing more to our ability for pattern recognition than anything else, how the issues in our micro lives can often be extrapolated to the Macro world. Let me give you an example.

The 16 year old son of my girlfriend’s best friend, had a little incident at summer camp. I won’t go into the details, but it involved a permanent marker being used on him, while he was asleep. What amazed me was the reaction of his parents.

The mother urged that he be allowed to quit camp and return home. This is what you would expect from a mother. She feels the pain that her child feels, and is deeply persuaded by his embarrassment and humiliation. That’s all well and good. As you would expect, the father feels differently, but not because he’s trying to teach his son to be a man, but because the trip to camp represents a sunk cost which he can’t recover. His only instructions to his son were “too bad”.

As a spectator, both reactions horrified me. The mother’s reaction was what I expected, but this boy is an intelligent, sensitive 16 year old. Nope… no typo. This didn’t happen at age 11 like you would expect, but at 16. At that age, the humiliation of this even will travel with this kid the rest of his life. He’ll feel the embarrassment of it well into adulthood, and countless other people will inevitably be forced to share his pain as it effects his future decisions. His mother’s view has no place in this boy’s life at the moment. He should have to find a way to tough it out, and it’s the responsibility of his father to teach him how.

My view on how it should be handled was mildly horrifying to my girlfriend, but she’s getting used to me. So she listened quietly and respectfully as I explained the way boys are. I told her that the issue could be resolved one of two ways – the smart way, and the stupid way. Either would work to the benefit of the boy, and is the advice I wish his father had given him. Here’s my thoughts.

No one has confessed to this assault by Sharpie, so the smart way would be for him to grab the smallest boy who is giggling, and subject him to enough threat or non-damaging pain for him to confess the name of the ringleader. (I imagine a bent arm or finger.) With that information, he should calmly walk up to the ringleader, grab his collar, and head butt him until he hears something break, or the other kids stop him. The stupid plan was similar, but involved picking the largest of the other boys whatever his involvement, and doing the same.

The result of this is that our friend’s son will probably get his ass kicked. He’s not very tough, and not used to standing up for himself. But as he is no doubt learning right now, there are worse things that can happen to a 16 year old than an ass kicking. And from the moment he did this, at least he’d be able to hold his head up, and send a clear message to the others that he should never be f***’ed with again.

That’s the thing the women never seem to understand. He doesn’t have to win the fight. They didn’t draw on his face because they don’t think he can win a fight. They did so because they didn’t think he has the spirit to fight back at all. That’s all he really has to do to earn their respect and to retain his own. But if his mother gets her way (and she’s likely to) for the rest of his life he’ll be afraid to risk, and afraid to fight back. He’ll spend the rest of his life looking for his mother to come swoop in and save him from the bullies. He’ll live his whole life in fear, and make whatever stupid decisions he has to in order to ensure that he’s sheltered from that fear – by someone else. If he doesn’t rise to this stupid boyhood challenge, he may never be able to rise to another. The rest of his life he’s going to be a slave to whoever manages to intimidate him the most.

America today feels the same to me. Millennials are the most over-nurtured generation in American history, owing to decades of Feminist teaching about how toxic masculinity is and how fearful they are of violence. It’s much harder these days to find a man than it is to find a male. And those males are weak, whiny little creatures with no self-respect and that don’t deserve the respect of others. I don’t believe in violence. I don’t think it’s a good solution to most problems. But sometimes I think it’s a necessary one. These little bearded things however, think that the only violence they should ever have to cope with, is violence offered on his behalf by someone else.

In America today, ISIS and Islam murder us and we are told by our leaders that ‘hate isn’t the answer”. It certainly seems to be to Islam. Our black population lies about the police and then murders them in cold blood, and we stand by and do nothing, or talk about how bad white people should feel for inspiring this rage. We don’t compel them to act like civilized adults. We don’t force them to treat us with the respect we deserve. And in the end, it’s because we don’t deserve any. We deserve their scorn and wrath. We deserve their anger. Not because of their childish fantasies about injustice, but because we don’t force them to recognize the truth.

America is gone. Shattered in a couple of generations by the philosophy of women running headlong into the violence of savages. But we still have one small chance to redeem ourselves. We just need to stop accepting the derision of our enemies and fight back.

I hope we still have enough men left to do so.

4 comments:

Hell_Is_Like_Newark said...

Tom,

I am a little younger than you (I think) and I can remember back in public grade school that if you fought back against a bully, you got punished worse than the bully. Fighting back was the worse "crime" you could commit. As an adult looking back, this was one of the most bizarre facets of my childhood. So this nonsense has been going on since at least Generation X.

Years ago your friend Derb experienced something similar with his own son (he wrote about it at NRO, who if I recall correctly was facing suspension for fighting back. So the concept of strict passivism has gotten far worse, far more ingrained into our society.

Tom said...

I'm 52 (for a few more weeks). I was raised in the 'sheepdog' culture, though without the effective analogy immortalized by the "American Sniper" movie.

And if my son got suspended for fighting and I believed he was right to do so, I'd reward him in spite of the school punishing him. I can't change the world, but I can keep it from changing my family. In this case, if I were the dad (who is good guy) I'd happily support my son for mixing it up a little. Boys should fight a bit. It's when they're least likely to do each other any real harm, and important lessons are learned. They are equally missed, when we don't allow boys to be boys. We should all have the strength to tell our women to butt out and let us handle it.

I had lunch w Danny Derbyshire a few months ago, and he's become the kind of man I think any father would be proud of. I know John is, and mentions it to me often. What kind of man this kid eventually becomes though, is really anyone's guess.

MikeCLT said...

I have told my son, age 11, that not only is he free to defend himself he is expected to. I told him I expect him to defend his friends as well. I made it perfectly clear to him that even if he gets in trouble at school for this, he will be rewarded at home. I made the small concession to his mother that he should tell a teacher first if someone is picking on him but not touching him.

I also stressed to him that he should never get in a shoving match. If someone shoves him, drop the other kid. He has had one fight, won it and no one else has messed with him.

I have also given him the age appropriate version Al Swearengen on beatings.

https://youtu.be/z2Q7YRDL90E

Hell_Is_Like_Newark said...

It was a little different from me. My old man came from the world of, "if an adult from the school call me.. you are guilty". Dad wasn't that type of guy to turn to me and say, "so what is your side of the story".

Looking back, I think the kids that the harshest punishments were the ones who had parents that intervened the least.

Needless to say, if the wife and I manage to have kids, they will have it different than I did.