Monday, June 12, 2017

- Some Bad Advice From Slate

Offered here:

I’m in my early 40s, never married, no kids, but always wanted both. I’m in a relationship of 10 months. The guy could not be sweeter or a person of better character. He loves me and treats me well. I was so in love the first six months but he is increasingly getting on my nerves—he is a bit quirky and goofy. And I don’t always find it amusing; increasingly I find it irritating. I have had several relationships like this (start out great, then fall apart at eight months or a year), and I am starting to wonder if I’m just projecting my insecurities onto him or if I need to end the relationship. I am in therapy. I just feel like there’s got to be something wrong with me if I have dated all these different men and nothing’s stuck. I long to be like most of my friends: married, settled, happy, in a family, kiddos running around.

Well bad news toots. At age 40 your reproductive chances are now roughly 2% of what your chances were in your prime. If you can get pregnant at all, and it's not the way to bet, the risk to your own health and to the health of the child are much higher. So high in fact that it doesn't sound like you (and your therapist) will be able to handle it.

I'd recommend a French Bulldog instead.

It's a shame that you've missed the boat on parenthood, but based on the fact that you project your insecurities, you get bored when the vangina-tingle of a new relationship starts to fade, and most importantly, you look to Slate to solve your personal problems, I'd say you'd have probably been an awful parent anyway so it's all just as well.

Some people are just too insecure and self involved for the life a parent, and this pretty clearly is you. Maybe you should instead start thinking about all the therapy you've spared your never to be born children, who would probably not grow up to be any more emotionally stable and responsible than you are. It's a shame that Feminists can't seem to grasp this reality, but being angry at me for not being afraid to be honest with you isn't going to change any of the facts.

Not that you'll let that stop you.

You can't have it all. But it isn't me who says so, it's reality and father time.

No comments: